Tuesday, 17 February 2015

My heart journey

Since the Last blog, I have been considering how God has changed me and my heart.

I can testify that God re-softens our hearts as we spend our lives following Him, things that touch my heart now were once things I wouldn't of batted an eyelid to before. I believe our heart's renewal comes gradually, well it has with me anyway! 

Paul shows us in Ephesians 4 that unbelievers are taken up with sensuality - the pursuit of physical enjoyment and pleasure. So, basically the satisfaction of our feelings.

The world seems to tell us to do or not do what we feel like. Many of us, including myself, can appreciate the kind of road this takes us down, as we have been there. 

Doing what we feel might benefit us at the time, something to fill the void of loneliness, unhappiness, lack of something. 
Before I believed and truly trusted in God, I tried to fill it with; companions, education, job, food and probably a host of other stuff. My heart was hard but was desparate to be filled so I followed what I felt like doing at the time. This led me to becoming more, and feeling more alone, unhappy, and unsatisfied. The very things I used to try and satisfy my heart were actually destroying me.

In time, having chosen to take a new path, to follow Jesus, my heart has become less hard and more satisfied. I am never alone and I always have hope.
Don't get me wrong, I do have moments when I feel lonely, but inside I know that's not really true. I have to remind myself what God promises and what I have experienced to be true, so I am still getting there.

In my personal journey I am learning that what I feel like doesn't really matter all that much because there is a greater truth than how I feel. In reality, I still have days where I am unhappy, struggling (usually with myself!) and feel desperate as I don't know what to do. 
But, then, if I'm honest, I usually realise that those are the days when I have not put God first. I have listened to myself too much and relied on my own strength to fix things or to get through. This does not work to good effect. I cannot fix the big problems in life! I don't know what's inside other people's heads and hearts, I am not enough.

But, I know someone who is.

I choose to put God first, and for my mind to focus on His truth rather than how I feel. He will always tell me the truth, my flesh/head/heart may not. 

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