Know when to quit

When things get difficult, what do you do? Do you carry on or give up?  Do you continue to persevere or quit when the going gets tough? What's your natural inclination when things get hard?

I have been told that I am determined, perseverant, but I know really that it verges into stubbornness. When I start something I finish it. If I take on a challenge I complete it, if I do an exam I work so hard that I pass it. 

The thing is, I love a challenge, but I don't know when to stop! This may sound like I'm reliable and determined, but the problem is I can get stuck, but I struggle to recognise that I've reached capacity. I will continue with dogged determination no matter the suffering, the inconvenience or final result. Sometimes I may need to stop, but I don't. I may not have the skills, knowledge or availability but once I've started something I will see it through til the bitter end, and sometimes the end is bitter.

Others may find that they get to something difficult and they are ready to chuck it all in. They struggle to finish things. Maybe they give up too easily, good at starting things but not finishing them. They would probably appreciate a bit of the determination and perseverance that I have. 

So, there must be a middle ground. There must be a point where we learn to know when to quit at the right time. Whether that's to push ourselves to persevere because it will grow us and stretch us, or getting to the point where we let go of our pride, admit our capacity, and stop. There is a point when it's right to quit, the question is how do we find it? 

I'm writing about this now, because last weekend I was taking part in an event called Man vs Lakes. 50km in the Lake District, across some lakes, up hills, through remote woods, water activities and a lot of running! 

Halfway through we had ascended two major hills, my body felt fine, my breathing did not. The second hill I encountered I stopped about every 10 steps to catch my breath. I wasn't making good progress, I spoke to one of the marshalls at this halfway point and asked if the second half was like the first. Yes it was, in fact, it was even more hilly. So, what do I do? 

I have taken on this challenge. I know my body can take it, I've done that distance before, my legs felt fine, but my breathing was difficult. Could I continue knowing that what was to come would put more stress on my body? Breathing was already tricky, could I keep going, through the remote areas, alone, was it safe/sensible? Reality was if breathing got really bad there would not be easy access to help. Yet, the rest of me felt alright. My mind was focussed, my legs felt ready and I was fuelling well. In that situation, what would you of done? I had an internal debate, reaching a decision wasn't easy. My natural inclination was to keep going regardless, finish what I had started. Its what I always do. 

Then I  recalled what I heard one guy say on the last hill, "will I think any less of myself if I give up now?" 

For me, that's quite profound. 

If I admit this challenge is too great, does it make me less? Does it effect who I am? My honest answer at that moment was 'No'. I wouldn't think less of myself if I stopped now, so that's just what I did. I actually quit, for the first time that I can remember. I actually recognised my limitations and didn't continue with dogged determination to painfully cross the finish. 

That's the balance I think. To be aware of our limitations isn't a weakness. To realise when something is too much, or even to ask for help doesn't make us less. If we quit when we know we are in too deep it doesn't effect who we are. 

I know that I made a sensible judgement call, for my own wellbeing. I know that I didn't get a medal this weekend but that's ok. I am at peace with the decision to quit. It was the right call. I could of completed the event, but to what end? I would of put myself under great pressure and could of ended up not just tired, but damaging my health. I actually made a sensible decision rather than stubbornly seeing this event through to completion. 

If you are like me and usually keep going to your own detriment, I want to let you know; it's ok to slow down, it's ok to stop, and it's ok to quit sometimes. 

It doesn't effect who you are, in fact I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed of quitting. It was the right thing to do for me and others around me. Don't run yourself into the ground to prove a point or even to achieve something epic.

Know when to quit. 

Unlikely Friendships

From 1 Samuel 18 we start to discover the unlikely friendship of David and Jonathon develop. The depth of friendship they have is beautiful. They have genuine love and respect for one another, they understand each other and admire one another. They share mutual respect, one doesn't consider himself above or beneath the other. Don't you find that fascinating considering one is a shepherd, the other a prince? 

David, a shepherd, basically lived and grew up on the family farm, probably doing all the medial tasks that no one else wanted to do because he's the youngest. He was often overlooked - he wasn't even invited to the party when Samuel visited. He must of spent a lot of time alone, often not even invited to dinner. Jonathon on the other hand was raised as the son of a king. Prince from birth he lived in the royal court, surrounded by people of influence and authority. He had been learning the ways of the kingdom from childhood. Trained for battle, a capable young man with authority and respect. He ate at the kings table, he didn't need an invite!

So, how did these two form this unlikely friendship? 

Their heritage, background, knowledge and experiences are so different so what is there to connect them? Not just connect them - but connect them in the mutually supportive way that they did. They considered themselves closer to one another than their own family. We see that when Jonathon sticks up for David to his Dad, and David, when in trouble, runs to Jonathon first. They truly trust, honour and love one another. They developed something deeper than the common friendship. 

So, how did they develop this unlikely friendship? What connects them? Their social status doesn't, their worldly knowledge doesn't, nor do their experiences or their upbringing. 

The common link I see is that they are both mighty men of faith. 

The first time we really meet Jonathon he is a mighty, God-fearing hero as he and his armour bearer go against a Philistine garrison. David, well, we know he went against a giant Philistine in the name of God. With little else to hope for or to guarantee their victories they both had faith in their God. They were both mighty, God-fearing heroes. Men of Godly courage. This faith is what connects them. 

It doesn't matter what differences they had, they have the commonality of a deep and true faith that they not only believed, but lived with courage. This kind of connection overcomes so many differences. This is the beauty of the church - All people are welcome - all people of any nation, background, social standing or experience are welcomed into God's family. The church is where unlikely friendships can grow as you come together as God-fearing heroes, courageously living your life for God.

Where are your unlikely friendships? 

Who are your God-fearing heroes? 

Who do you connect with that if it wasn't for faith you wouldn't have much in common? 

Enjoy and appreciate these people, they will stand with you, strengthen you and protect you throughout your life -  just like Jonathon and David. 

What are you fighting for?

What are you fighting for? Or maybe a better question would be - Who are you fighting for?

In 1 Samuel we can read about the infamous battle of the Israelites and Philistines. David and Goliath going head to head - Goliath fighting for his country, for the increase of their power and land. David, what did he fight for? 

David himself says so; "that all this assembly may know that the Lord saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hand.” 1 Samuel 17:47 (ESV)

David fought, not for renown, power, glory, land or even patriotism, he fought because he knew this battle was God's. 

He saw and heard the defiance of the enemy, against his God and that offended him. He had such connection with God, such fervour and love for Him that he had to do something about it. Have you ever felt like that when someone is talking badly about someone you love? You have to stand up for them. You have to do something about it. It's not a conscious decision or a thought through process. The offence seeps into your heart because of the earnest loving connection you have. Ever felt like that?

What amazes me is that David had that level of earnest loving connection with God! He knew God. Not just knew about him, he knew God. He knew His presence, His friendship, His values and expectations. So when someone came against God, starts bad-mouthing Him and His people, it was David's natural response to stand up and fight. Not that God needs our protection, but this is the natural response of deep friendship. David stands up, goes forward and empowered by his love of God fights the fight. David's passion for God leads him into the battle. It wasn't his own pride or concern for his own self-esteem, it was his recognition of who God is that he could not let this enemy defy. David knew that as soon as he stepped up, that God would be right there with him. When you stand up for God's causes, He is right there with you. David knew that it wasn't even his own fight, but God's. When you have so much assurance that you are fighting with God and His purposes, victory is secure! 

So next time, before you prepare for the next fight in your life, consider - Who's fight is it? Is the battle you're fighting God's?