On the third day Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the king’s palace, in front of the king’s quarters, while the king was sitting on his royal throne inside the throne room opposite the entrance to the palace.
Esther 5:1.
Can you imagine how that felt?
You have agreed to come to this vital moment. The past few days have been a distressing, scary, vulnerable preparation for this moment. You have worried, prayed and come to no other conclusion that your fate relies on the goodness and kindness of an immoral, corrupt king. But it is not only your fate that hangs in the balance, but that of those you dearly love as well as many other thousands of lives.
You are aware that it is all now down to whether the sceptre of acceptance is held out towards you. The slight motion of the royal hand determines whether you live or die. Standing in the doorway, certain of what you must do, yet uncertain of your reception. Debating the consequences for the thousandth time. You can’t be more ready than you are now. You have personally prepared; your clothes, your mind, your words, all rehearsed and ready. You have considered how to approach, and how to win your kingly husband's favour - Is there something you’ve forgotten? No. It is time. Time to put your life firstly into the hands of God, then in the hands of this notorious, passionate king.
You do not know whether these are your last moments as you stand there. Unable even to say a tentative goodbye to those you love. You wait for the opportunity to approach, for your brave heart to kick in. Take a deep breath and just do it you tell yourself.
Taking in scene, you know this place, you have been here before, you have previously even been summoned to this place, but now you notice all the details - the intricacy of the designs, the sweet aroma, the heavy presence.
It has been a while since you’ve been here, now the environment seems even more daunting, impressive, majestic. You used to be here more often, but you seem to of fallen out of favour for some reason. For the past month the king hasn’t even wanted to see your face, let alone speak to you or anything else. So, what are you doing here?
Although the halls and passageways are familiar it feels like an intrusion to be there, and he could feel the same - There he is, the powerful, mighty king, sitting on his mighty, majestic throne. Surrounded by splendour in his seat of authority, with people of power around him.
You, a mere wife, a woman, a dispensable part of this palace. Looking in nervously, looking upon the mighty one who can seal your fate with a motion of his hand. The feeling of inferiority increases as you recognise the enormity of your task. The apprehension builds as the reality of this situation reveals itself to your anxious mind. The task now seems ridiculous and pointless. What are you really doing here? Is this going to make any difference? Isn’t it just going to end in death anyway? Shouldn’t you just turn away unseen and unheard?
Even Vashti, the great, beautiful, beloved queen before you was not as bold. She never dared enter the king’s presence uninvited, but she got ‘disposed of' - we all know what that means!
Yet, here I am, the king’s second choice (and not the only one that shares his bed!) I don’t know what is going on in this palace, let alone outside the gates, or even in the king’s mind. On top of that, he hasn’t spoken to me in over a month, or requested my presence, so what on Earth am I doing here?
It is just going to be history repeated. Just another story of the wife that got disposed of.
This offence is surely greater than that of Vashti! She refused to come, but here I am barging in!
How dare I?
What should I do?
Ok, breathe, breathe.
I am contemplating my fate, the fate of the kingdom and my precious people. Yet, this anxiety is not going to help. I know I am taking a risk - a HUGE one, but who else can do it? Yes, it is dangerous, I could lose my life, but the lives of many depend on my actions. It's time to be bold, I and my people are desperate. This panic is going to do no good. God strengthen me. I don't know what you are going to do, but I know what I must.
I have nothing. I am putting myself in a completely vulnerable and humble position. I have prayed, fasted, and so have many others. Now it is time to trust that God has a plan - I have none. I have nothing. I am nothing, and I have nothing to offer the king of the world.
I am entering the throne room as a beggar. Entering the king's presence with all to lose and all to gain.
Well, I can't stay here debating with myself forever. It is now or never. I’ll never know the outcome unless I step forward, empty-handed as I am.
I have done my best. I have prepared everything that I can. I have; prayed, fasted, considered my request. There's nothing else for it. It is time.
God be with me I breathe silently. Deep breath. It's time to enter the king's presence…
Wednesday 27 November 2019
Thursday 21 November 2019
Step up
*8*Mordecai also gave him a copy of the written decree issued in Susa for their destruction, that he might show it to Esther and explain it to her and command her to go to the king to beg his favor and plead with him on behalf of her people. *9*And Hathach went and told Esther what Mordecai had said. *10*Then Esther spoke to Hathach and commanded him to go to Mordecai and say, *11*“All the king’s servants and the people of the king’s provinces know that if any man or woman goes to the king inside the inner court without being called, there is but one law—to be put to death, except the one to whom the king holds out the golden scepter so that he may live. But as for me, I have not been called to come in to the king these thirty days.”
*12*And they told Mordecai what Esther had said. *13*Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. *14*For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” *15*Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, *16*“Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.” *17*Mordecai then went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him.
Esther 4:8–17.
One thing that strikes me as I read these verses is the intensity and beauty of the relationship between Mordecai and Esther. Eventhough here all they seem to do is command and order each other, underpinning these instructions is a mutual love, respect and honour. We can know this as neither of them become annoyed or offended by what the other says. Plus, in all reality as their conversation was held with a third person interpreting their words, it is likely the conversation was not as brief as recorded here. Esther and Mordecai show a mutual trust and understanding of one another, and both are mutually submissive.They listen to and undertake the commands of one another, isn't that beautiful? They implicitly trust each other, and have great love and respect between them. Esther is even willing to obey Mordecai if it cost her very life. Can you imagine loving someone that much? She becomes prepared to exchange her life for that of Mordecai and the rest of her people.
In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus says, ‘Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:13).
Esther is carrying this very mortifying challenge in her life at this point. How much does she love her life versus how much does she love her; nation, friends and family? She carries the weight of responsibility for what she needs to do that may well lead to her death. She, scarily still takes up the cause of the Jews even though the reality is, as she has seen and heard before, she could be brutally murdered.
Incredibly, she does not plan an escape, but takes not the responsibility for her people rather than caring for herself. Then, she, like Jesus, puts the outcome into God’s almighty hands. Jesus went to Gethsemane with his disciples to pray, Esther went into the palace with her ‘young women’, also to pray. Can you imagine the sorrow, the laments, the distress of that time? Can you even begin to understand the devastation and impending doom of your life ending? Those moments between prayers, decision and action must of been fraught with worry, tears, heartache and even preparation for death. Not many of us have to live with that as a reality. Esther did, and just as she was prepared to give her life in the hopes that others may be saved, Jesus did the same. No doubt both were filled with anguish and despair, yet they did not allow their own feelings get in the way of the responsibility they were to take.
Esther stepped up to save a people group, she put aside her own fears and worries, the consequences to herself she outnumbered by the consequences to that of the people she was a part of. Her decision to act for others could have led to her death. Yet, she still made it. She knew it was right. Now, not many of us will have to make decisions that will result in our death in order for others to have life, but don’t we in comparison, find the small things difficult to do? Even when our life is not threatened, aren’t we still scared to stand up for what is right? Aren’t we still scared to help the outcast? Tell people about our faith? Fight for what we know is wrong? Speak out against the trends of the world?
If we are so scared when our life doesn’t depend on it, how would we react if it does?
Esther stepped up to save a people group, Jesus stepped up to save the world, what are you going to step up for?
*12*And they told Mordecai what Esther had said. *13*Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. *14*For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” *15*Then Esther told them to reply to Mordecai, *16*“Go, gather all the Jews to be found in Susa, and hold a fast on my behalf, and do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my young women will also fast as you do. Then I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish.” *17*Mordecai then went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him.
Esther 4:8–17.
One thing that strikes me as I read these verses is the intensity and beauty of the relationship between Mordecai and Esther. Eventhough here all they seem to do is command and order each other, underpinning these instructions is a mutual love, respect and honour. We can know this as neither of them become annoyed or offended by what the other says. Plus, in all reality as their conversation was held with a third person interpreting their words, it is likely the conversation was not as brief as recorded here. Esther and Mordecai show a mutual trust and understanding of one another, and both are mutually submissive.They listen to and undertake the commands of one another, isn't that beautiful? They implicitly trust each other, and have great love and respect between them. Esther is even willing to obey Mordecai if it cost her very life. Can you imagine loving someone that much? She becomes prepared to exchange her life for that of Mordecai and the rest of her people.
In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus says, ‘Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:13).
Esther is carrying this very mortifying challenge in her life at this point. How much does she love her life versus how much does she love her; nation, friends and family? She carries the weight of responsibility for what she needs to do that may well lead to her death. She, scarily still takes up the cause of the Jews even though the reality is, as she has seen and heard before, she could be brutally murdered.
Incredibly, she does not plan an escape, but takes not the responsibility for her people rather than caring for herself. Then, she, like Jesus, puts the outcome into God’s almighty hands. Jesus went to Gethsemane with his disciples to pray, Esther went into the palace with her ‘young women’, also to pray. Can you imagine the sorrow, the laments, the distress of that time? Can you even begin to understand the devastation and impending doom of your life ending? Those moments between prayers, decision and action must of been fraught with worry, tears, heartache and even preparation for death. Not many of us have to live with that as a reality. Esther did, and just as she was prepared to give her life in the hopes that others may be saved, Jesus did the same. No doubt both were filled with anguish and despair, yet they did not allow their own feelings get in the way of the responsibility they were to take.
Esther stepped up to save a people group, she put aside her own fears and worries, the consequences to herself she outnumbered by the consequences to that of the people she was a part of. Her decision to act for others could have led to her death. Yet, she still made it. She knew it was right. Now, not many of us will have to make decisions that will result in our death in order for others to have life, but don’t we in comparison, find the small things difficult to do? Even when our life is not threatened, aren’t we still scared to stand up for what is right? Aren’t we still scared to help the outcast? Tell people about our faith? Fight for what we know is wrong? Speak out against the trends of the world?
If we are so scared when our life doesn’t depend on it, how would we react if it does?
Esther stepped up to save a people group, Jesus stepped up to save the world, what are you going to step up for?
Thursday 14 November 2019
Step out of the palace
As christians we recognise that we are part of a new kingdom, one that we only experience in part here on Earth. We are, ‘in the world but not of the world’ (paraphrased from John 17:16). This means that although we are physically a part of the Earthly dimension, we know our souls belong not to this place, but to heaven.
We know that we are destined for more than this earthly experience and realise that we don’t really belong here anymore. We become misfits in this world. Esther understood something of what this was like. She was selected to become a part of the Persian palace, and so no longer fit into the comfortable community she had grown up in. The society that she once understood and loved was now removed from her as she became royalty. Her closest friends were no longer her beloved cousin and neighbours, but royal confidants established in palace practices. She had little contact with the outside world, and even less understanding of what was occurring outside her dwelling. She didn’t even know or understand what happened outside her very gates. She was absorbed into the king’s realm, segregated from the rest of the world, removed from relationship and separated from the cares of the community.
The danger for us as people of faith, is that we also become segregated and removed from the society we are a part of. The more we realise we no longer ‘fit’ in the world, the more we recognise we cannot go along with some of the earthly practices, the more we can remove ourselves from community into our christian realm, only mixing with christians, only reading christian books, watching christian films, concerned with christian issues, then we too can come completely segregated from the society we once belonged too. We can, through our passion for Christ and purity remove ourselves from community but then we will no longer see or understand the woes of those around us. We see this happen with Esther;
‘And in every province, wherever the king’s command and his decree reached, there was great mourning among the Jews, with fasting and weeping and lamenting, and many of them lay in sackcloth and ashes.
When Esther’s young women and her eunuchs came and told her, the queen was deeply distressed. She sent garments to clothe Mordecai, so that he might take off his sackcloth, but he would not accept them. *5*Then Esther called for Hathach, one of the king’s eunuchs, who had been appointed to attend her, and ordered him to go to Mordecai to learn what this was and why it was.’
Esther 4:3–5.
Esther no longer knew what was happening in her own town because she was confined inside the walls of the palace. She had no recognition of the king’s new edict, and she had no idea how to respond. She saw people in turmoil outside the gates, but did not truly understand the problem. The danger, as Esther found, when you become part of a new kingdom, you are set apart from those in your very vicinity. Then you can be so removed from their reality and experience of Earthly life that you have no idea what; troubles, distress or happiness is known among the people next door let alone the rest of the community. So, when we see something distressing, we may wish to help, like Esther did, her heart was moved to respond, to provide assistance, yet it was the wrong help. It was totally inappropriate though her intentions were good. Esther provided clothing for those sentenced to death - what use would that be? Yet, it was not Esther’s fault as she was no longer a part of the society outside the palace, she was an inhabitant of the palace, unaffected and unharmed by the troubles outside.
We can fall into the same trap. We can end up living in a christian bubble, it is easy to do, as human nature is designed to draw us to people like ourselves, so we enjoy relating to and sharing time with other christians. However this can become exclusive when you surround yourself with all things christian. We can become consumed with our ideals of a christian life, and exert all our energies inside the kingdom of God forgetting that the actual King stepped out of his heavenly realm in order to seek those outside the gates. He did not look on with pity or pour out provisions to assist them, He went out the gates, He descended to our level and understood life from our point of view. This King, Jesus, the perfect Son of God, gave up his Godly privileges in order to meet the likes of you and me, the likes of; your neighbours, the ASBO kids, the prostitutes, destitute and lonely, the weird and troubled. Jesus, God, went outside the protection of the palace, maintaining His righteousness yet stepping into a world of trouble, still knowing where He belonged, but willing to put aside His deity, his majesty and power, in order to meet people. In order to show others they matter, they are loved, they are important, and they too can have a home in His palace too.
Now, now that Jesus has rejoined HIs Father in heaven, who has this mandate? That’s right, you and I do. Those that know who Jesus is are told to ‘go and make disciples’. We are to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and make Him known to society around us. We need to step out of our comfortable christian bubble and be part of the community around us, investing time in getting to know others and demonstrating a different way, telling the good news that people don’t have to stay where they are. They are not alone in their strife, and in fact, they have an invitation to the palace, and you are the chosen messenger to give the invite.
It Is time to move outside the palace gates to get a good look at what is really going on. Jesus did.
Tuesday 5 November 2019
Be Brave
‘When Mordecai learned all that had been done, Mordecai tore his clothes and put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the midst of the city, and he cried out with a loud and bitter cry. *2*He went up to the entrance of the king’s gate, for no one was allowed to enter the king’s gate clothed in sackcloth. *3*And in every province, wherever the king’s command and his decree reached, there was great mourning among the Jews, with fasting and weeping and lamenting, and many of them lay in sackcloth and ashes.’
Esther 4:1–3.
Can you imagine the scene? Can you consider the atmosphere of this pervading grief publicly displayed on the streets, in the town and even up to the very gates of the palace?
Can you envisage the sound of the city changed by people wailing in despair?
Can you conceive the smell of the sackcloth and ashes?
How about picturing the sight of many people gathering together displaying their distress?
I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to visualise, although I can capture something of the down-heartened state the citizens must of been in during that time. The scene depicted here on Esther encapsulates the response of the Jews as they become aware of the planned annihilation of their people.
Mordecai, along with many Jews publicly demonstrated his mourning over this edict. As a community, the Jews displayed their individual and corporate grief and distress. They were not ashamed, not only to cry, but even to cry, 'out with a loud and bitter cry'. Such was the extent of their distress that they even went around, ' fasting and weeping and lamenting'.
I admire the Jews in their natural, overwhelmed, unashamed response to this horrific news. As a British citizen born and bred, it is hard to fully appreciate this response. In this country, we are taught to maintain a 'stiff upper lip' and 'put a brave face on' when we encounter times of great distress and grief. We are encouraged, conditioned, even to not let anyone know how we are really feeling. We keep the thoughts in our heads, and the emotions of our hearts well locked up, so tightly sometimes that even we ourselves can struggle to know how we feel.
I know that growing up, our family experienced some traumatic events, and even from a young age, we learned not to hide how we felt. I do not say that my family is at fault, but that the cultural expectation is 'that happened yesterday, move on'. We are encouraged to, 'sweep things under the carpet'. We do not outwardly lament, cry or express our natural responses in times of tragedy, instead we hold up our heads and keep ploughing on. We maintain the British stiff upper lip at all times, isn't that also your experience of our culture?
I know for me, as a child, I would naturally respond in fear, worry, tears, but soon found that these responses were unacceptable and unnecessary. So, I learnt to hide my emotions, if I had to cry, I would save it for the shower or under a pillow at nighttime, in fact I still do. It is hard to break the habits of a lifetime. My emotions have been hidden for so long, it is sometimes difficult for me to understand how I even feel, it take work for me to figure it out, and my loving husband often knows how I feel before I do! He is patient and kind and has modelled to me being able to express how you feel, and I do try to get there, but it is still difficult. I admire his ability to understand his emotions; state, as well as my own, and that he has freedom and confidence in expressing himself.
He reminds me of these Jews we are reading about in Esther. Unafraid, unashamed of their feelings, able to freely show their emotional state, not worrying about the response of others, but naturally displaying their emotions.
How different our culture is! Often we cannot even tell if someone is happy or sad, because we have learnt to hide it all behind a mask of indifference, behind the standard "I'm ok" response. How different would it be if we felt the permission to release our emotions in front of each other?
If we were all honest with ourselves and those around us, how would that be? Would you have the confidence or even the awareness of your own emotions to display them?
I think we have been encapsulated by the lie that it is a weakness to show how we feel, that it is not acceptable to show our emotions and that others would not like or understand us if we did. Consider the Jews in this, one by one they must of shown their grief, then one by one they realised others felt the same, then before long whole swathes of people were joining in the public mourning, they were sharing their grief, united in distress. What a strength that is. As individuals they were brave enough to show their pain to others, although sharing the pain could not resolve the situation, their was a whole community grieving together, they understood and shared each others pain. If we keep our hurt to ourselves, we have no escape from ir. We have no release from it, and we will never know the love, support and understanding of those around us.
Is it any wonder that there is grave concern in our nation about the state of our Mental Health?
Instead of 'sucking up' our emotions, or 'putting on brave faces', how about sharing our hurt with others? Give yourself permission to feel. You do not need to face the world as if nothing has happened, or remain at home languishing in despair alone. You can go out into the city, you can go to work, school, to the shops, it doesn't matter if others see your emotions pouring out of you, you are allowed to display and share your pain. You never know the people that will understand your distress, who can stand with you and cry alongside you, who can sit with you, fast and pray with you. There may well be a whole community that are with you in your despair. You are not alone in your experiences, or at least you do not have to be.
If you are not sure who to talk to, pray. Look for opportunities to talk to someone you trust, it is ok to seek advice, help, support and professional assistance, don't be afraid to face up to your emotions.
It is not brave to hide your emotions, it is far braver to face them.
Esther 4:1–3.
Can you imagine the scene? Can you consider the atmosphere of this pervading grief publicly displayed on the streets, in the town and even up to the very gates of the palace?
Can you envisage the sound of the city changed by people wailing in despair?
Can you conceive the smell of the sackcloth and ashes?
How about picturing the sight of many people gathering together displaying their distress?
I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to visualise, although I can capture something of the down-heartened state the citizens must of been in during that time. The scene depicted here on Esther encapsulates the response of the Jews as they become aware of the planned annihilation of their people.
Mordecai, along with many Jews publicly demonstrated his mourning over this edict. As a community, the Jews displayed their individual and corporate grief and distress. They were not ashamed, not only to cry, but even to cry, 'out with a loud and bitter cry'. Such was the extent of their distress that they even went around, ' fasting and weeping and lamenting'.
I admire the Jews in their natural, overwhelmed, unashamed response to this horrific news. As a British citizen born and bred, it is hard to fully appreciate this response. In this country, we are taught to maintain a 'stiff upper lip' and 'put a brave face on' when we encounter times of great distress and grief. We are encouraged, conditioned, even to not let anyone know how we are really feeling. We keep the thoughts in our heads, and the emotions of our hearts well locked up, so tightly sometimes that even we ourselves can struggle to know how we feel.
I know that growing up, our family experienced some traumatic events, and even from a young age, we learned not to hide how we felt. I do not say that my family is at fault, but that the cultural expectation is 'that happened yesterday, move on'. We are encouraged to, 'sweep things under the carpet'. We do not outwardly lament, cry or express our natural responses in times of tragedy, instead we hold up our heads and keep ploughing on. We maintain the British stiff upper lip at all times, isn't that also your experience of our culture?
I know for me, as a child, I would naturally respond in fear, worry, tears, but soon found that these responses were unacceptable and unnecessary. So, I learnt to hide my emotions, if I had to cry, I would save it for the shower or under a pillow at nighttime, in fact I still do. It is hard to break the habits of a lifetime. My emotions have been hidden for so long, it is sometimes difficult for me to understand how I even feel, it take work for me to figure it out, and my loving husband often knows how I feel before I do! He is patient and kind and has modelled to me being able to express how you feel, and I do try to get there, but it is still difficult. I admire his ability to understand his emotions; state, as well as my own, and that he has freedom and confidence in expressing himself.
He reminds me of these Jews we are reading about in Esther. Unafraid, unashamed of their feelings, able to freely show their emotional state, not worrying about the response of others, but naturally displaying their emotions.
How different our culture is! Often we cannot even tell if someone is happy or sad, because we have learnt to hide it all behind a mask of indifference, behind the standard "I'm ok" response. How different would it be if we felt the permission to release our emotions in front of each other?
If we were all honest with ourselves and those around us, how would that be? Would you have the confidence or even the awareness of your own emotions to display them?
I think we have been encapsulated by the lie that it is a weakness to show how we feel, that it is not acceptable to show our emotions and that others would not like or understand us if we did. Consider the Jews in this, one by one they must of shown their grief, then one by one they realised others felt the same, then before long whole swathes of people were joining in the public mourning, they were sharing their grief, united in distress. What a strength that is. As individuals they were brave enough to show their pain to others, although sharing the pain could not resolve the situation, their was a whole community grieving together, they understood and shared each others pain. If we keep our hurt to ourselves, we have no escape from ir. We have no release from it, and we will never know the love, support and understanding of those around us.
Is it any wonder that there is grave concern in our nation about the state of our Mental Health?
Instead of 'sucking up' our emotions, or 'putting on brave faces', how about sharing our hurt with others? Give yourself permission to feel. You do not need to face the world as if nothing has happened, or remain at home languishing in despair alone. You can go out into the city, you can go to work, school, to the shops, it doesn't matter if others see your emotions pouring out of you, you are allowed to display and share your pain. You never know the people that will understand your distress, who can stand with you and cry alongside you, who can sit with you, fast and pray with you. There may well be a whole community that are with you in your despair. You are not alone in your experiences, or at least you do not have to be.
If you are not sure who to talk to, pray. Look for opportunities to talk to someone you trust, it is ok to seek advice, help, support and professional assistance, don't be afraid to face up to your emotions.
It is not brave to hide your emotions, it is far braver to face them.
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