*13*Then the king said to the wise men who knew the times (for this was the king’s procedure toward all who were versed in law and judgment, *14*the men next to him being Carshena, Shethar, Admatha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, and Memucan, the seven princes of Persia and Media, who saw the king’s face, and sat first in the kingdom): *15*“According to the law, what is to be done to Queen Vashti, because she has not performed the command of King Ahasuerus delivered by the eunuchs?”
Esther 1:10–15.
The culmination of all of the festivities where king Ahasuerus has celebrated and shown off his land, possessions and wealth is that the king desires to show off his wife. It is like she is the crowning glory of his worth - she is a beauty and the king wants everyone to see and admire her. Yet, this man, who commands great power and authority over armies, princes and his country cannot summon his wife.
Can you imagine how that feels?
King Ahasuerus is refused by his own wife. He is clearly a rich, proud man, in control of his country, yet over his own wife he does not have the same power. Can you imagine the embarrassment? No wonder he was outraged, he was able to command the eunuchs to go and get her, yet he could not command her. This mighty king who has conquered nations does not seem to of conquered his wife’s heart, and he certainly has no power to control her mind or actions. He has an expectation of acquiescence, respect and duty from his subjects, and he expects the same from his wife.
Her refusal infuriates him, so what does he do? He does just what you or I would, and talks to those closest to him - his trusty advisers. He gathers those who know him, yet he comes with an agenda. When you are affronted, what is your response? It is natural, and good to talk it over with our friends, and there’s something about having a good moan which helps get it off our chest - we like to have a bit of a whinge and we expect our close ones to appease our emotions, just like king Ahasuerus does. His advisers do relieve his anger by coming up with a radical course of action that not only impacts this moment, this event, or just their marriage, but the whole nation. The problem is, the king was ‘enraged’, had been drinking and came to the issue with an agenda, ‘“According to the law, what is to be done to Queen Vashti’? He didn’t want restoration, he didn’t take responsibility for his own actions, he just wanted the other party to be punished ‘according to the law’. Which, to me implies, ‘what extreme punishment can I get away with without breaking the law?’.
This reaction may sound extreme, but we all have to be aware of our own highly charged emotional responses. Sometimes, as much as we love, respect, and trust our friends, they don’t always help our situations. If our trusted ones just agree with us and placate us, are they really being our friends or just sounding boards? Sometimes our viewpoint, feelings or reactions need to be challenged. The king here does not seem to have one man present who actually challenges his response, not one who attempts restoration for this marriage, no-one who advises waiting until he is sober and less emotionally-charged. No-one has even suggested that the husband and wife speak to each other, they just go along with the feelings of the king, swept along by anger and drink, to come to a conclusion that far outweighs the original offence. Do you ever find yourself int he same situation? Where your emotions are high and those around you exacerbate those feelings or expand the depth of what has occurred? Those around the king ended up turning an embarrassing denial into a national issue.
Who held the king to account? Who suggested that he may of been unreasonable? There is no voice that opposes the king’s view.
This is a warning to each of us - are your friends those that will always attempt to appease your emotions without challenging your perspective? Is there anyone that you sometimes get annoyed with because they don’t always think you’re right? If so, keep them close, they are a true friend trying to lead you well. We don’t like to be wrong, and we don’t like to be told we are at fault, but imagine if this king had someone who advised a different course of action. The marriage may well of been restored and the nation would of not had new laws. Instead of a flood of emotion being poured out, a ripple may of been felt but no more than that.
Next time you are overrun with your emotions choose who you talk to carefully, you may be in the right in your responses, but is there anyone around you who would challenge your point of view? Keep those who do close because they have the best intentions not just for yourself but those around you too. Don’t be like king Ahasuerus who surrounds himself by yes men, those who will do his bidding and agree with him unconditionally, who even justify and promote his emotional rulings.
This king made life-long, nation-wide decisions based on a moment of rage. His decision was not considered. He did not wait until his head had cool, in fact he was encouraged in his quick response by those closest to him.
When you are in an emotional state it is good to discuss with those you trust, but also wait until the extent of your emotions subside before making decisions. Be careful and choose your close advisers wisely. Your emotional response may be correct, but don’t be swayed by how you feel without considering and researching the facts. Base your decisions on the truth, not on an immediate feeling.
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