Monday 3 July 2023

The art of conversation

 *19*Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; *20*for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. *21*Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. 

James 1:19–21.

This is hard isn’t it?! Quickly hearing, being slow to speak and slow to become angry? Who, reading this is slow to speak and slow to become angry? 

It is very easy to become annoyed and offended, or to feel you have to defend yourself in a conversation, or even that you can predict what someone is going to say and so you try to hurry up their communication. It is not so easy to patiently listen. This means concentrating on what is being said without interruption and then considering a response before giving one. This is hard work and not natural for most of us, so we need to train ourselves to do it well as it is important. Not just because James says so, but think about the last time you felt that someone wasn't listening to what you were saying. Maybe they were distracted, trying to speed you up or interrupting what you were saying - how did that feel for you? Annoying, upsetting, frustrating? You probably felt that the person you were attempting to communicate with didn't have time for you, wasn't bothered and you could have felt unvalued. That is how I would feel in that situation. Thats probably how most of us feel, do you want others to feel like that when they are speaking to you? Now, consider a time when you really felt heard. It is likely that you felt valued, loved, grateful, understood, happy, content and relieved. Don't you want people to feel like that when they speak to you?

Not only is considering your conversational techniques important to how you show care to people, but it also matters to God. You and I need to get to grips with our responses because lack of control over our speech, ‘does not produce the righteousness of God’. Careless, thoughtless, unconsidered speech does not show that you are a follower of God. Simple truth. Getting angry quickly, not listening and speaking without consideration do not show that you are endeavouring to put Jesus first in your life. Listening carefully, speaking considerately and behaving patiently do.

No wonder James goes onto say in verse 21, ‘put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness’ because being impatient in conversation can lead to speaking and acting in anger. This then shows the filth and wickedness that is in you, not the righteousness that Jesus has won for you. I have heard, as you probably have, people say, ‘I couldn’t help it’ and ‘they wound me up’, do you ever make these comments or have these thoughts? If so, who does it show is really in control of your life? Are you responsible for your own thoughts, words and actions or are other people? God did not build you to be a puppet or wind up toy that comes into action because of outside influences. God created you in His image. 

The best way to consider how God would respond is to look at how Jesus handled conversations. There are many times when people tried to catch him out with words, but because he really listened to the heart of the matter he was able to give clever, considered responses as and when they needed. Jesus never reacted how expected, he could confidently respond because he took time to consider what was being communicated, and what his responsibility was in how he responded. Jesus honoured His Father by doing so and displayed his own righteousness. You have a responsibility to manage your communications, by doing so you too can honour your Father in heaven and display, 'the righteousness of God'.

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