Where do you go with your internal battles?

 Psalm 55:1–23 (ESV):  

1  Give ear to my prayer, O God, 

and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! 

2  Attend to me, and answer me; 

I am restless in my complaint and I moan, 

3  because of the noise of the enemy, 

because of the oppression of the wicked. 

For they drop trouble upon me, 

and in anger they bear a grudge against me. 

4  My heart is in anguish within me; 

the terrors of death have fallen upon me. 

5  Fear and trembling come upon me, 

and horror overwhelms me. 

6  And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! 

I would fly away and be at rest; 

7  yes, I would wander far away; 

I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah 

8  I would hurry to find a shelter 

from the raging wind and tempest.” 

9  Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues; 

for I see violence and strife in the city. 

10  Day and night they go around it 

on its walls, 

and iniquity and trouble are within it; 

11  ruin is in its midst; 

oppression and fraud 

do not depart from its marketplace. 

12  For it is not an enemy who taunts me— 

then I could bear it; 

it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— 

then I could hide from him. 

13  But it is you, a man, my equal, 

my companion, my familiar friend. 

14  We used to take sweet counsel together; 

within God’s house we walked in the throng. 

15  Let death steal over them; 

let them go down to Sheol alive; 

for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart. 

16  But I call to God, 

and the Lord will save me. 

17  Evening and morning and at noon 

I utter my complaint and moan, 

and he hears my voice. 

18  He redeems my soul in safety 

from the battle that I wage, 

for many are arrayed against me. 

19  God will give ear and humble them, 

he who is enthroned from of old, Selah 

because they do not change 

and do not fear God. 

20  My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; 

he violated his covenant. 

21  His speech was smooth as butter, 

yet war was in his heart; 

his words were softer than oil, 

yet they were drawn swords. 

22  Cast your burden on the Lord, 

and he will sustain you; 

he will never permit 

the righteous to be moved. 

23  But you, O God, will cast them down 

into the pit of destruction; 

men of blood and treachery 

shall not live out half their days. 

But I will trust in you. 

David has not only experienced physical battles, but also the inner turmoil of the soul. This psalm explains a situation where he was emotionally and mentally strained by the betrayal of, ‘my equal, my companion, my familiar friend’. David was battling with the pain and despair of a broken relationship and the disappointment, chaos, life change and mental strife that this caused. Have you ever experienced such heartache and mental anguish? 

Most of us have. The thing is, this battle that we face is not usually obvious because it’s predominantly internal. Our emotions and mind replay events, conversations and memories, and these can lead to; confusion, anger and sadness all raging inside. It is a furious internal war, yet not many others would be aware of it. In a physical war it is obvious - you see the damage and physical discomfort, but an internal battle is often hidden even though there is also extensive damage and pain. The internal battles that we face are tougher and more wearing than any external ones and we cannot escape them. 

David says, ‘I am restless in my complaint and I moan, 3  because of the noise of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked.’ He hears the sound of the disappointment, the grief and pain, the ‘noise of the enemy’ clanging around inside him as the memories and recent events replay. The noise of the internal processing of the betrayal and the personal turmoil that has been caused is louder than any trumpet blast or roar of a crowd. David doesn’t deny it or downplay it, instead he admits the difficulty he is having trying to get his head round what has happened. You don’t have to try to explain, minimise or hide from the internal anguish you suffer either. The internal battles are difficult as they are often unknown to others and rage constantly, day and night, with no rest. David was experiencing this as he wrote Psalm 55. He accepts that he is; restless, oppressed, in trouble, feeling terrified and in anguish. If you feel that way today, or have ever felt like that, know that it is ok. It is alright to feel disappointed, hurt, afraid at times, restless and concerned, and it is ok to admit it too. Even as a person of God, even as a friend, parent, manager or colleague, it is ok. It is usual for people to suffer with their thoughts, you are not alone. David was troubled with a hurt heart and mental anguish and he was a loved and respected king, father, husband and a faithful man of God. Yet here we are thousands of years later reading about and relating to his internal pain. He was not ashamed to admit how frustrated, disappointed and upset he was about things. He was open and honest about it. He told God exactly what was going on for him, how he felt, how troubled he was, and that he expected God to do something about it! 

You see, although David knew he was suffering, he did not choose to dwell in the despair and disappointment. He did not want to stay feeling like this, and he knew where his help and comfort would come from. He had a strong, personal relationship with Almighty God, so he told God about what was going on in his life. He let God know how he felt, even the worst bits such as wishing his enemy dead and wanting to permanently escape (v7 and 15). David was not ashamed to be really honest about his emotions, even admitting when he was in deep despair and inner turmoil. Are you that honest? With yourself and with God?

I cannot imagine that this psalm was spoken clearly and calmly, can you? I imagine it to have been a passionate outpouring of tears, anger and sobs, releasing some of the hurt and disappointment as the words spilled out. David was overwhelmed, hurt and disappointed as he goes to the God - the One he can trust with it all, and the One that can help, strengthen and comfort. David admits he wants to escape this torment, yet he knows that even going to a different place will not change the internal discomfort. For it is his heart that ‘is in anguish’ and no matter where he goes he cannot escape his own heart or memories, so he knows he has to deal with it. Therefore, David’s response is to ‘call to God’. No-one else can help him, restore his soul, bind up his broken heart or breakthrough this trouble. So he goes to the One he knows can influence any and every heart and situation for, ‘the Lord will save me’. David knows that although he feels overcome and like he wants to get away from it all, God, ‘redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage’. Both the physical and internal battles God can help with. He is the one who can inspire, strengthen and give your soul refuge (v1). He is the one that can bring you; relief, provision, strength and redemption. Are you allowing God to it? 

Do you go to God with your struggles? Are you really real about how you are doing when you speak to Him?

When you feel overwhelmed and overcome by circumstances and experience internal strife, you can, ‘cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you’. Yet God can only help you as much as you let Him. David wanted God’s help in every area of his life, even the messy bits. Are you allowing God to see and have influence in every area of your life? Will you allow Him to see and heal the internal anguish? God will hear and help you if you go to Him, then like David you too will be able to say, ‘in you my soul takes refuge’.

Is your faith as secure as David’s?

 Psalm 54:1–7 (ESV):  

1  O God, save me by your name, 

and vindicate me by your might. 

2  O God, hear my prayer; 

give ear to the words of my mouth. 

3  For strangers have risen against me; 

ruthless men seek my life; 

they do not set God before themselves. Selah 

4  Behold, God is my helper; 

the Lord is the upholder of my life. 

5  He will return the evil to my enemies; 

in your faithfulness put an end to them. 

6  With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to you; 

I will give thanks to your name, O Lord, for it is good. 

7  For he has delivered me from every trouble, 

and my eye has looked in triumph on my enemies. 

Prayers do not have to be long, even when you are desperate. In this psalm we see David calling out to God in distress. He needed his life saving, he was confused and on the run. David had been anointed king years ago, he had been the soother of Saul’s soul through music and was a loyal and successful soldier in the king’s army, and now he is running for his life! King Saul who had once delighted in David had turned vehemently against him and now sought to kill him. So, David had to escape. David knew the promise of God on his life, yet right now, he had to run away to survive. Even though David did not understand what was happening and certainly did not like it, he still honoured and obeyed God. He did not take the change in circumstance as a withdrawal of God’s purposes, plans or favour. He still trusted and believed in God and set his heart and mind on following Him rather than pursuing his own ease and comfort. That is tough isn’t it?! When it seems like the opposite to the promises of God are happening, you can feel abandoned and rejected by Him. You can feel hurt, confused, angry, disappointed and in despair. What is your response when things like this happen? Do you run away from God, get involved in unhelpful habits, or do you continue to trust and believe in Him and proceed to honour and obey Him like David did?

David was uncomfortable and scared as he wrote this psalm, he implored God to intervene and ‘save me’. He saw the reality of what was happening and he called upon God as, ‘the upholder of my life’. David trusted God to sustain and provide for him, not just material things but every breath. Even when he was chased and persecuted he recognised that God is the only one who was in control of his life - how long it lasts and how it ends. David’s security was in God. He knew that God's promises still stood, and that they would be fulfilled because a) God had promised and b) his life was not yet over so there was still time! David was assured through the relationship that he had developed with God  that God supports those who honour and obey Him. He knew that God is faithful, powerful, helpful and has a plan beyond any human one. He accepted that God will fulfil His will even when it seems ridiculous or impossible. 

Do you have confidence in God like that?

The problem with this kind of admirable, secure faith that David has is that it grows through adversity. David knew God had saved him from; bears, lions, giants, and mighty warriors. Therefore David was certain that God would not allow anything to thwart the promises God had made to him. David had learnt that God was trustworthy and true and worth betting his life on. If David stayed close to God, he knew that God would continue to save him, ‘from every trouble’ and allow him to look ‘in triumph on my enemies’. David knew this because of the trials he had already faced with God so trust had been built. When you face troubles do you know that God is right there with you in it? Have you successfully followed God through the trials so that your faith is built and becomes secure? Security in God and the confidence that David had come because you have previously overcome through hard times honouring God and following Him throughout. Keeping your eyes open for what God can and will do and holding firmly onto His promises. So, take some time to consider, what troubles has God got you through? Where are your victories? 

You too can trust in God today as the ‘upholder of my life’. Recall the promises He has spoken over you and keep following Him, then you too will know God’s power, deliverance and remarkable triumphs.