Where do you go with your internal battles?

 Psalm 55:1–23 (ESV):  

1  Give ear to my prayer, O God, 

and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! 

2  Attend to me, and answer me; 

I am restless in my complaint and I moan, 

3  because of the noise of the enemy, 

because of the oppression of the wicked. 

For they drop trouble upon me, 

and in anger they bear a grudge against me. 

4  My heart is in anguish within me; 

the terrors of death have fallen upon me. 

5  Fear and trembling come upon me, 

and horror overwhelms me. 

6  And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! 

I would fly away and be at rest; 

7  yes, I would wander far away; 

I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah 

8  I would hurry to find a shelter 

from the raging wind and tempest.” 

9  Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues; 

for I see violence and strife in the city. 

10  Day and night they go around it 

on its walls, 

and iniquity and trouble are within it; 

11  ruin is in its midst; 

oppression and fraud 

do not depart from its marketplace. 

12  For it is not an enemy who taunts me— 

then I could bear it; 

it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me— 

then I could hide from him. 

13  But it is you, a man, my equal, 

my companion, my familiar friend. 

14  We used to take sweet counsel together; 

within God’s house we walked in the throng. 

15  Let death steal over them; 

let them go down to Sheol alive; 

for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart. 

16  But I call to God, 

and the Lord will save me. 

17  Evening and morning and at noon 

I utter my complaint and moan, 

and he hears my voice. 

18  He redeems my soul in safety 

from the battle that I wage, 

for many are arrayed against me. 

19  God will give ear and humble them, 

he who is enthroned from of old, Selah 

because they do not change 

and do not fear God. 

20  My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; 

he violated his covenant. 

21  His speech was smooth as butter, 

yet war was in his heart; 

his words were softer than oil, 

yet they were drawn swords. 

22  Cast your burden on the Lord, 

and he will sustain you; 

he will never permit 

the righteous to be moved. 

23  But you, O God, will cast them down 

into the pit of destruction; 

men of blood and treachery 

shall not live out half their days. 

But I will trust in you. 

David has not only experienced physical battles, but also the inner turmoil of the soul. This psalm explains a situation where he was emotionally and mentally strained by the betrayal of, ‘my equal, my companion, my familiar friend’. David was battling with the pain and despair of a broken relationship and the disappointment, chaos, life change and mental strife that this caused. Have you ever experienced such heartache and mental anguish? 

Most of us have. The thing is, this battle that we face is not usually obvious because it’s predominantly internal. Our emotions and mind replay events, conversations and memories, and these can lead to; confusion, anger and sadness all raging inside. It is a furious internal war, yet not many others would be aware of it. In a physical war it is obvious - you see the damage and physical discomfort, but an internal battle is often hidden even though there is also extensive damage and pain. The internal battles that we face are tougher and more wearing than any external ones and we cannot escape them. 

David says, ‘I am restless in my complaint and I moan, 3  because of the noise of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked.’ He hears the sound of the disappointment, the grief and pain, the ‘noise of the enemy’ clanging around inside him as the memories and recent events replay. The noise of the internal processing of the betrayal and the personal turmoil that has been caused is louder than any trumpet blast or roar of a crowd. David doesn’t deny it or downplay it, instead he admits the difficulty he is having trying to get his head round what has happened. You don’t have to try to explain, minimise or hide from the internal anguish you suffer either. The internal battles are difficult as they are often unknown to others and rage constantly, day and night, with no rest. David was experiencing this as he wrote Psalm 55. He accepts that he is; restless, oppressed, in trouble, feeling terrified and in anguish. If you feel that way today, or have ever felt like that, know that it is ok. It is alright to feel disappointed, hurt, afraid at times, restless and concerned, and it is ok to admit it too. Even as a person of God, even as a friend, parent, manager or colleague, it is ok. It is usual for people to suffer with their thoughts, you are not alone. David was troubled with a hurt heart and mental anguish and he was a loved and respected king, father, husband and a faithful man of God. Yet here we are thousands of years later reading about and relating to his internal pain. He was not ashamed to admit how frustrated, disappointed and upset he was about things. He was open and honest about it. He told God exactly what was going on for him, how he felt, how troubled he was, and that he expected God to do something about it! 

You see, although David knew he was suffering, he did not choose to dwell in the despair and disappointment. He did not want to stay feeling like this, and he knew where his help and comfort would come from. He had a strong, personal relationship with Almighty God, so he told God about what was going on in his life. He let God know how he felt, even the worst bits such as wishing his enemy dead and wanting to permanently escape (v7 and 15). David was not ashamed to be really honest about his emotions, even admitting when he was in deep despair and inner turmoil. Are you that honest? With yourself and with God?

I cannot imagine that this psalm was spoken clearly and calmly, can you? I imagine it to have been a passionate outpouring of tears, anger and sobs, releasing some of the hurt and disappointment as the words spilled out. David was overwhelmed, hurt and disappointed as he goes to the God - the One he can trust with it all, and the One that can help, strengthen and comfort. David admits he wants to escape this torment, yet he knows that even going to a different place will not change the internal discomfort. For it is his heart that ‘is in anguish’ and no matter where he goes he cannot escape his own heart or memories, so he knows he has to deal with it. Therefore, David’s response is to ‘call to God’. No-one else can help him, restore his soul, bind up his broken heart or breakthrough this trouble. So he goes to the One he knows can influence any and every heart and situation for, ‘the Lord will save me’. David knows that although he feels overcome and like he wants to get away from it all, God, ‘redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage’. Both the physical and internal battles God can help with. He is the one who can inspire, strengthen and give your soul refuge (v1). He is the one that can bring you; relief, provision, strength and redemption. Are you allowing God to it? 

Do you go to God with your struggles? Are you really real about how you are doing when you speak to Him?

When you feel overwhelmed and overcome by circumstances and experience internal strife, you can, ‘cast your burden on the Lord and he will sustain you’. Yet God can only help you as much as you let Him. David wanted God’s help in every area of his life, even the messy bits. Are you allowing God to see and have influence in every area of your life? Will you allow Him to see and heal the internal anguish? God will hear and help you if you go to Him, then like David you too will be able to say, ‘in you my soul takes refuge’.