Don't be too much

16*Be not overly righteous, and do not make yourself too wise. Why should you destroy yourself? *17*Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool. Why should you die before your time? *18*
Ecclesiastes 7:16–18.

‘Be not overly righteous’ - is that possible? Can we be TOO righteous? Can we be too justified?
‘Too wise’ how can anyone be too wise? does anyone know too much? Is anyone too clever?
How about ‘overly wicked’? We all probably agree that being wicked on any scale is not good, so why do we have here that we can be TOO wicked?
These verses can seem a bit odd, they seem to be saying that to be extreme in any quality, good or bad, is a bit over-the-top, and can 'destroy us', even the qualities think we should have.
I think Solomon is trying to warn us either not to become too focussed on these qualities or not to over-exaggerate them.

If we become too focussed on any one part of our life we lose focus on who we are, who God is and what we are built for, even if our focus seems to be something worthy and desirable like righteousness or wisdom. We can become absorbed in the pursuit and so become negligent of other areas of our lives. To be constantly striving after anything can be detrimental to our health and cause distance between us and others. It doesn’t do our mind, body or spirit any good to be striving after our passions whatever they may be, even if the intention is good.
I wonder if Solomon is showing through these verses that the passionate drive for wisdom and righteousness is just as destructive as the passionate drive for wickedness and foolishness. Maybe Solomon is trying to show us that the drive for even good things can, ‘destroy yourself’.
There is nothing wrong in wisdom or seeking righteousness, but are these things a constant pressure and worry on your mind? Do you feel good enough just as you are? You do not need to work hard to be made right with God nor to be acceptable to those around you. You are in enough in who you are. You don’t need to strive to be different or to be more than you are.

The other aspect of these verses concerns exaggeration. about not pretending to be more than you are. Just as we concluded the previous paragraph - you are enough in who you are, who you naturally are. Don’t exaggerate your personality or your experiences, don’t overdo who you portray yourself to be.
Why not? Because one day you will be found out. One day your wisdom will fail you, or you’ll err and you’ll be found to be not-so-righteous. Solomon also invites us not to be, 'overly wicked', we still sometimes do bad things, we can act in wicked ways, even as christians. Solomon has seen that this can end with 'destroying yourself'. We know the areas we each struggle in, and it is ok to make mistakes, but are you constantly getting yourself into the same trouble? If so then you need to exercise self-control and ask God for help to overcome the issue. Also, we dot need to play on our weaknesses. we don't have to pretend that we are worse than we are. we may think this helps others relate to us, but, if we confess to be christians, then we should be able to handle 'wickedness' differently. Then we come down to foolishness, the last of the qualities mentioned. How can we be foolish? Foolishness, being silly, not considering the effects of our actions, these things can be fools as well as just being a joker and playing about. Foolishness is not about having fun, of course life should be fun, but if your fun is at the expense of others then it is foolish.

Solomon tells us not to be 'overly' any of these things. Don’t play up or down your wickedness, foolishness, wisdom or righteousness. you don't need to show off who you are or even who God is. If you do, one day it will backfire. People see through the hype, the exaggeration and realise the truth. Don't be fake, be a person of integrity.
You don’t need to play up to the person people expect you to be or whom you think you should be. You don’t need to pretend or strive to be; more wise, foolish, righteous or wicked than you already are. Just live your life as it is. This will demonstrate the fruit of what God has done more than any hype or exaggeration can, you do not need to put on an act, it's hardwork.
If you are natural and accepting of your own levels of righteousness, wisdom, foolishness and wickedness then you have integrity and people will respect you for who you are and they will probably see you as a regular human being, just like themselves - what better way to demonstrate God's great love for them? If God loves and accepts you just as you are, then surely there's hope that He will love and accept them too?!

Mary's response

John 2:3-5

'When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.” 4 And Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does this have to do with me? My hour has not yet come.” 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”'

Now, this bit of scripture has often confused me. I know it's pretty straight forward, the words are clear. What has confused me though, is that this seems a bit rude. Doesn't it seem rude to you? Jesus, the one we are meant to follow and imitate in all ways, seems to be a bit rude to his own mother. I don't know about other members of the female population, but if someone were to call me, 'woman', I would be a little offended. It is not a polite way to speak to someone. Especially when you consider that this is not just anyone, but a mother!

So, I had to look a bit deeper into this, because I refuse to believe that Jesus would be intentionally rude to his own Mum. 

This is what I have discovered;

The term translated for, 'woman' in the original language is a courteous term. Though, not a term usually used for a loving mother-son relationship. Some commentaries suggest that we may equate it to the term 'Ma'am'. It's probably not what you'd call your mother, but it is a polite and respectful term. So, Jesus, thankfully, isn't being rude. He is being polite, but not indicating an emotional, sentimental attachment to his mother

Isn't  that a bit harsh? 

Surely Jesus must love his mother right? They've had many years living together, Mary has watched him live and grow, he is her firstborn. Doesn't Jesus love her?

Well, if we fast forward to when he dies in the cross, he does provision for her, so he must care deeply for her. Some of his last words were concerning her, so he surely must love her.

Why then does Jesus seem not be responding as a loving son in this passage?

This extract from the account of the wedding at Cana is the first account of the miracles that Jesus performed (turning water into wine). So, for all of his life so far, Jesus had grown up as the son of Mary and Joseph. As with all children, they have to spread their wings sometime and establish their identity apart from their parents. Now, I'm sure Jesus knew his identity already, but he needed his Mum to know that identity too. 

Mary had clearly been told that Jesus was the son of God before he was even born. Then she had: raised him, loved him, looked after him and protected him as any mother would. 

Now, Jesus needed her to recognise that although he is her son, he is also her saviour. That's why he has to maintain some kind of emotional distance for her to begin to understand the developing nature of their relationship. 

Jesus is Mary's saviour before he is her son. 

Imagine, if you can, how that must be for Mary. 

All those years of love and care poured out. Not only is her son grown up, and moving into his life's work, but he has to distance himself from her, and alter the state of their relationship. The mother-son relationship is formed, but now the relationship has to be borne out of a recognition that Jesus primary role is not as her son, but as her saviour.

I cannot imagine how hard that must be.

However, I love Mary's response to this. It is not how I'd respond. 

Eventhough she has just been referred to as, 'ma'am', she doesn't go off and cry about it, become angry or sulk. In fact, she does not seem to take offence at all. Instead, she demonstrates complete trust in Jesus, AND she encourages others to do so too! 

What an amazing woman! 

She realises that she can depend on Jesus to make a difference and she expects him to (otherwise why would she address the servants in such a way?) Mary has no idea what is about to happen, yet she stands in faith. She overlooks the awkwardness, the perceived offence and gets on with the work at hand. Wow! 

For me, I am quick to take offence to words, so how does Mary manage that?  

I wonder if it's because, she recognises that this is not the big issue here. The problem she mentioned to Jesus is still there, getting offended in the process won't help the situation. 

I wonder if we sometimes get sidetracked by becoming offended when there's a bigger matter at hand? I know I do. I pay too much attention to how words effect me rather than what the words are trying to communicate. 

I admire Mary, she overlooks any offence she may of taken and gets to the important part, she realises there's still a matter at hand that needs hers and Jesus attention. She does not focus on who she is but who Jesus is. She doesn't respond in a way that shows offence, she responds as someone who knows Jesus.